Life After Divorce

{September 5, 2008}   In the beginning…

When I was 21 years old, I had a rough time.  The previous year, the love of my life disappeared… exiting our relationship through the closet door.  I guess I knew all along that he was gay, but that doesn’t really make things any easier.  I was planning my whole life around that relationship and when it ended, I was lost.  Shortly after that, my cat was hit by a car.  You could say that up to that point, it was the worst time in my life.  I began a string of unsuccessful, non-relationships with men who couldn’t have cared less about me, and rarely called the next day.  I wasn’t doing well in school, even though I am very bright and could have done so much more.  I just didn’t care.

August 1998 – I was playing around on AOL in chat rooms and one day an IM popped open in front of me.  I started talking to the guy, but didn’t really pay a lot of attention, since I had several other people chatting with me at the same time.  A few days later, he popped up again.  This time, I was less distracted.  I talked to him online for a while until he finally told me that he was no good at typing, and wanted to know if we could talk on the phone.  So, we did.  I liked his voice right away.  It was a deep, smooth voice.  Friendly, and sexy all at once.  I was instantly interested.  We talked more and discovered that we actually had the same birthday.  He is literally 13 minutes older than I am.  Weird, right??  We ended up talking on the phone for 6 straight hours that first day.  Around 3 am, he begged to come pick me up so we could meet.  I resisted.  I told him if he still wanted to meet me, he could come by my work the next day (at the mall – safety, you know).  He protested, but finally agreed that was best, as he had to leave for work in 3 hours.  Of course, we talked on the phone right up until that time.

The next day, I went into work… apprehensive.  What if he didn’t like me?  What if I didn’t like him??  [gasp] What if we did???  My previous experience with relationships was a gay fiance, a 3-month relationship with a guy who wouldn’t ever call me his girlfriend, and a string of one-night stands and bad first dates.  I was scared.  Then I saw him walk by.  I knew it had to be him.  He walked past my store and into the large department store next door.  Within minutes, he was back.  We met.  I thought he was cute… and very tall.  I love big guys, and he fit that bill.  He asked me if I wanted to come over to his apartment after work.  Sure, I said.  My 62 year old co-worker, Sandy, was flipping out in an old lady kind of way.  Whatever.

So, after work… I went to his apartment.  I was very nervous, but excited.  We sat on the couch watching TV.  After about 30 minutes, the phone rang.  It was Steve’s friend, Mandy.  She wanted to invite him out to hang out with her and her boyfriend, Tim (who was Steve’s best friend since they were kids).  He said, “No, thanks… I am hanging out with my new girlfriend.”  Girlfriend.  It is amazing what a label will do for you.  I was elated.  I spent the night that night, and every night for the next two weeks.  I was thrilled.


et cetera