Life After Divorce

{October 1, 2008}   Who Said Romance Was Dead??

For whatever idiot reason, as our relationship progressed, I naturally started thinking about the next step.  Steve was very resistant to the idea of marriage and totally opposed to children.  I was still pretty young (23 yrs) and wasn’t sure about the kid thing.  I was willing to see if I could put that on hold because I wanted to be with him. 

We talked about marriage.  Or, really, I talked and he complained.  He didn’t understand why we couldn’t just live together.  Why I wanted to make it official.  I told him that I didn’t mind living with him like that for a while, but I would NOT be with him 10 years and just be shacked up.  I told him that he needed to figure out his level of committment to me and go from there.  I wasn’t pushing a time frame, but he needed to know that I wasn’t going to be anyone’s live-in for the rest of my life.  I had standards (granted, they weren’t really HIGH standards, but standards nonetheless).  Then, I dropped it.  I didn’t mention it again for months.

Three months later we were laying in bed:

          Steve:  So, I have been thinking a lot about….. the forbidden topic.

         Me:  What the hell are you talking about?

         Steve:  You know…

        Me: What?  Kids?  Marriage?  Jaywalking?  What are you talking about?

       Steve: Marriage

       Me:  [groan] What about it?

      Steve:  Well, I was thinking it wouldn’t be such a bad idea…

     Me:  Ok… are you talking like now?  10 years from now?

    Steve:  Whenever you want…

Ok, so I was slightly excited, but trying not to get my hopes up.  I told him that I would look at rings the next day at work (I was working at a jewelry store).  He came up to work the next day and we picked out some rings that we both liked and asked the jeweler if he could replicate them in white gold instead of platinum (broke, of course).  He told me later that he could, and he gave me a really good price.  So, I called Steve on my was to school one day to tell him about it:

      Me:  I talked to Leonard today and he said that he could do both rings for [price]

      Steve:  Huh.  That’s not bad.

     Me:  Nope.  Not bad at all.

     Steve: [very long pause] So…..  I guess we are getting married, huh?

     Me:  I guess so

Back off ladies… that romantic proposal was just for me.  That was it.  It wasn’t like a fairy tale.  It certainly wasn’t like A Wedding Story where they get down on one knee, or spell it out in Christmas lights.  It was a transaction, much like visiting the bank.  My brain obviously wasn’t working because I flew into wedding overdrive, not even listening to that little voice saying, “Really?  That was it?  What do we have to look forward to??”  Oh someone please give that little voice a megaphone!!

I planned the wedding very quickly… before he could change his mind.  We decided to get married at the new banquet hall of our favorite BBQ restaurant (it was really beautiful).  I planned everything to a T… and it was really inexpensive, yet fabulous at the same time.

A week before the wedding, Steve started feeling weird and stayed home from work.  I couldn’t figure out what was going on with him until the doctor said the word ANXIETY.  They put him on meds.  He loves to tell people that he had to be drugged to attend our wedding.  He really is such a nice guy… 😐

All he did was complain.  Complained about the wedding (Can’t we just get married at the JP and have a party?? – We basically did that, but the JP came to the party).  Complained about the cost.  He didn’t want to deal with it.  He didn’t want to dance.  He thought it would be lame.  It really took a toll on me… trying to plan the perfect wedding… trying to make it everything I wanted it to be.  Fully ignoring that pit growing in my stomach.  Walking on hot coals trying to please everyone and not hurt anyone’s feelings, especially his terribly broken family.  By the time the wedding day arrived… I was exhausted.


fancylori says:

Note to the ladies out there:

If you have to hurry the plans for fear the guy might change his mind…maybe you should just slow down and let him change his mind.

Love you, lady.

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