Flashback: Soap
May 5, 2009
Fall 2006
When we moved into our one-bedroom apartment, Steve started a love affair with the apartment’s hot tub. He would go out every night around midnight and come back hours later. I rarely went… because… come on… someone had to work and support us! So I would go to bed about the time he would throw a towel over one shoulder… no shirt (poor neighbors!) and would walk barefoot over to the pool. I found it annoying. Why couldn’t he just come to bed like a normal person?? It made me feel very alone.
On this particular night, I woke up around 1:30 am to a strange sawing noise. I couldn’t figure out what I was hearing… my brain still thick with sleep. I opened the bedroom door and looked down. I was confused until I realized what I was looking at was what was left of the carpet under my bedroom door, and an incredibly jittery miniature dachshund. That only meant one thing. Jerry. Steve’s brother Jerry had a very unsettling effect on Major and the poor dog was just terrified of him. I didn’t see the guys in the apartment, so I figured they went to the pool. Poor Major had clawed up all the carpet under the door trying to get in to me.
I took Major to bed with me, fully intending on giving both Steve and Jerry a piece of my mind… later… zzzzzz.
Around 3am, I awoke to the lights going on in the bathroom and the sound of the shower. I am a really light sleeper, so this REALLY annoyed me. I stalked out into the living room… to find both Steve and Jerry sitting there watching TV. Who the hell was in my shower??? I asked this very sentiment and the answer I received made me livid.
“Oh some girl Jerry brought over.”
There is a naked girl in my shower at 3am? And no one thinks this is a problem but me?? ARGH!
But here’s the best part…
Not ONLY was there some strange girl in my shower at 3am.
She was a stripper.
A FUCKING STRIPPER IN MY SHOWER! AFTER BEING IN THE HOT TUB WITH MY HUSBAND!
Sorry to offend those of you who “stripped your way through college” [eye roll] But. EWW.
Bleaching cleanser? $5.00
New soap? $0.89
Eliminating stripper cooties from my shower? Priceless.
The best part was all three assholes got a rash from something going on in that hot tub. Serves you right. Get a real job… ALL OF YOU.
May 5, 2009 at 2:38 pm
um, eww? that is nasty. thank god this era is coming to an end.
May 6, 2009 at 11:20 am
Hi, cool post. I have been pondering this issue,so thanks for writing. I will definitely be subscribing to your posts. Keep up the good work
May 6, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Ummm… that is very yuck. I hope you also scrubbed your brother in law with that bleach cleanser.
A funny story, but I bet it takes a long time before you can laugh at it.
May 6, 2009 at 8:17 pm
I’m giggling at the tags on this post.